How To Make Friends With Me- Part One.

I am thinking of handing this circular out to people at parties and to my mobile phone contact list.

1) Please do not talk to me, if you’d like to then please behave.
3) also please do not take offense if I’m MIA
4) I’ve made big strides in being available and functional as a friend but I am still inherently private
5) brush your teeth
6) wash regularly versus odorizing in all its smells
7) mobile phones have caller ID
8) If I don’t answer the phone please don’t call me repeatedly
9) text if you cant reach. I too might worry that you’re dead especially after 10pm.
10) you are excused from cell-phone etiquette if you are above 60 or very pretty
11) you are excused from all kinds of etiquette for being wise and/or pretty
12) Google Madhuri Dixit online.
13) Please abstain from short forms while messaging. If you have the time to send a message it’s more than likely that you have the time to type out love instead of luv and tc and neway and gn.
14) If you want to know how exactly “lesbians do it” then look it up on the internet. I am as equally as unlikely to want to share details of my sex-life with you as I am to want to know yours. Thanks but No Thanks.
15) Same with how much money I make. The last time I checked we weren’t in the same competition.
16) I don’t like surprises. I’m working on it, so just so you know dropping into someone’s house is for relatives (which you can do nothing about). This is in the encyclopedia Britannica under the name why-is-it-so-noisy-here-question-mark.
17) Familiarity makes you exempt from the surprise clause
18) My mum is the best cook.
19) ☺
20) have you ever worn long-johns in the winter?
21) Title-case is for losers.
22) please don’t be a dumb-fuck please!!!
23) No matter how much I bitch about my family I will not hear a word against them
24) As my best friend said it is more important to be kind than it is to be clever- if I forget please forgive me and pray for me that I do better. Really.
25) I will try to do the same for you when you bang-call me (see 8.)
26) Ghee is not the same as Daalda. It is one of the few saturated fats that are good for you.
25) This is a great song
26) With that said , if you’re still around…
27) HelloHiHowAreYou?


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