Category: Laughs
How To Make Friends With Me- Part One.
I am thinking of handing this circular out to people at parties and to my mobile phone contact list.
1) Please do not talk to me, if you’d like to then please behave.
3) also please do not take offense if I’m MIA
4) I’ve made big strides in being available and functional as a friend but I am still inherently private
5) brush your teeth
6) wash regularly versus odorizing in all its smells
7) mobile phones have caller ID
8) If I don’t answer the phone please don’t call me repeatedly
9) text if you cant reach. I too might worry that you’re dead especially after 10pm.
10) you are excused from cell-phone etiquette if you are above 60 or very pretty
11) you are excused from all kinds of etiquette for being wise and/or pretty
12) Google Madhuri Dixit online.
13) Please abstain from short forms while messaging. If you have the time to send a message it’s more than likely that you have the time to type out love instead of luv and tc and neway and gn.
14) If you want to know how exactly “lesbians do it” then look it up on the internet. I am as equally as unlikely to want to share details of my sex-life with you as I am to want to know yours. Thanks but No Thanks.
15) Same with how much money I make. The last time I checked we weren’t in the same competition.
16) I don’t like surprises. I’m working on it, so just so you know dropping into someone’s house is for relatives (which you can do nothing about). This is in the encyclopedia Britannica under the name why-is-it-so-noisy-here-question-mark.
17) Familiarity makes you exempt from the surprise clause
18) My mum is the best cook.
19) ☺
20) have you ever worn long-johns in the winter?
21) Title-case is for losers.
22) please don’t be a dumb-fuck please!!!
23) No matter how much I bitch about my family I will not hear a word against them
24) As my best friend said it is more important to be kind than it is to be clever- if I forget please forgive me and pray for me that I do better. Really.
25) I will try to do the same for you when you bang-call me (see 8.)
26) Ghee is not the same as Daalda. It is one of the few saturated fats that are good for you.
25) This is a great song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2CJZiP4_Sc
26) With that said , if you’re still around…
27) HelloHiHowAreYou?
In the neighbourhood.
“Find out if your relationship is destined to last or whether it’s time to throw in the towel?”
firstly L fucking OL.
I did not write that headline, but wish I did. Not only because it’s an attention grabber but because the accompanying article was on YahooNews and they get so much traffic! I read their stuff all the time when I get out of my email account and their headlines are the best! They had a great article on Breast Milk Ice-cream that I will discuss at a later date, when I have the time to devote to it.
I wonder what is the demographic of the person that writes these things though? They’re so well written but clearly pop-psychology.
Irrespective of that after reading this glorious article on yahoo news – I have figured two things;-
that a) I am one of those people who read relationship advice on the internet and
b) that all signs indicate that she is the one.
Yeay!
So when I’m walking around the fire, seven times as the Hindus do it in our holy marriage ceremony – I’ll be sure to thank the gifted copywriter at Yahoo’s Online News Division for convincing me that I’m in the real deal. And if she or he is old enough to buy a drink at the time of the said nuptials -I will buy them one! Yahoo news headline writer – I.O.U. !
Have abbreviated and pasted below – just a quick scan will make you laugh!
The last one is especially good.
”
Signs they’re not the one
Find out if your relationship is destined to last or whether it’s time to throw in the towel.
The bad times outnumber the good
You should feel secure and content in your relationship at least eighty percent of the time. If you can’t remember the last time you actually had fun together without arguing or things getting fraught it could be time to pack your bags.
They constantly put you down
A bit of friendly teasing is cute, but if your other half seems to get their kicks from making you the butt of all their jokes or belittling you in public, alarm bells should definitely be ringing. Putting someone down – especially in front of others – is a power game that you should play no part in.
They refuse to talk things through
All relationships hit rocky patches, but if your partner deals with things by shutting down and giving you the ultimate passive-aggressive silent treatment you’re never going to be able to work through your issues together. It’s time to move on.
Little things get on your nerves
Okay, so it’s annoying when he/she leaves the cap off the toothpaste or forgets to put the milk back in the fridge, but those aren’t deal breakers. It’s when you start to feel irrationally annoyed by silly little things like his hairy toes or her singing in the shower that you know they’re not the one for you.
They take you for granted
You disagree about the future
They forget important stuff
You can’t stand their friends
There’s no spark
They don’t like your family”
Their Name is Ted Bundy
FOUR REASONS 